


A Certain Romance

by foxxing (gayfantasticfour)



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Awkward first dates, Baby Yugyeom, Finally, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, escort jinyoung, single dad jb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:09:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8971315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayfantasticfour/pseuds/foxxing
Summary: By day, he's a top-rated babysitter. By weekends he's an x-rated escort. These things are generally kept separate, until the day his weekend regular gets his phone number by recommendation and calls for an emergency babysitter. The problem is that Jaebum doesn't know that Junior the escort is also Jinyoung the babysitter. In which Jaebum and Jinyoung know each other in the biblical sense but maybe want to get to know each other, too.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ok so please forgive me for posting a fic while i'm in the middle of an ongoing series ugh i'm so extra i know i'm sorry;;;
> 
> but! for anyone who follows me on twitter knows that i started this fic just on a whim when someone (the person this is dedicated to, actually) sent me an ask.fm prompt: "jb is jy's regular customer at the brothel jinyoung works out but never knew he was a babysitter. he was given jinyoung's contact information because he's an amazing babysitter". i wrote the first 2 parts quickly but .... kind of let it go for like 6 months omg but i finally caught a wind of it and finished;;;
> 
> (btw it starts mid-sex lmao aklfldkgj) 
> 
> for eynz, my light in the darkness: thank you for always being there and always cheering me on, i hope this was worth the wait even though you thought you'd never see how it ends LMAO. <3 
> 
> anyways!!!!!!! i'll shut up now i'm sorry sdfdfgkjfhk <33

**I.**

 

"Ah, Junior, baby—" Jaebum stutters, hips shaky where they're rolling up inside him, into the hilt and barely even pulling out before he's pushing deeper, brushing his prostate and fuck Jinyoung wants to scream, wants to tell Jaebum his real name just to hear it come falling from his mouth in the wrecked way it does, lips parted and wet and sweat glistening on his skin. 

"Junior, God, you feel so good, fuck—" his eyes roll back and Jinyoung is secretly smug; he's barely doing anything, his hands clawing at Jaebum's ass to push him deeper, as deep as he can go, and Jaebum's hands tighten in the sheets on both sides of his head. "So hot, Junior, so hot, baby, fuck—"   
  
Jinyoung just licks his lips and moans breathlessly, head tipping back, long neck exposed in the way he knows this particular client likes, feeling triumphant he can make such a stoic and quiet client come apart like this with barely any effort at all.  
  
Jinyoung usually has pretty strict rules for what clients can and can't do with him, but over time it seems as though he's given up on them when it comes to Jaebum, the handsome and mysterious man that seems to only ever be at the brothel for him, and only him. He isn’t even sure how  _ long  _ it’s been–months, at the least, maybe almost an entire year he’s been seeing Jaebum every other weekend. Sometimes twice, if he’s lucky. Jinyoung barely knows anything about him, because it’s against his rules to ask; he barely knows even the name of half his clients unless they tell him to start moaning it, and even then he usually tries to forget it. But something about Jaebum has always set him apart from the rest: Jinyoung has found himself slipping up time after time, asking a question or two, letting Jaebum linger in the room longer than he’s paid for. He knows Jaebum is 32, makes very good money, likes a particular shade of blue, and has a cat that he absolutely adores (Jaebum had once even shown him a photo). This is, by his own doing, more information about any of the men he sees, though it’s barely any information at all. And in return, Jaebum doesn’t even know his  _ real name.    
_

And usually he doesn't let clients flip him: they choose the position first and they stick to it until they come, and then they pay him and leave. But when Jaebum is dipping down to get an arm underneath him and shifting his weight to one knee, Jinyoung feels the exciting swoop of change in his stomach.   
  
"Is this okay?" Jaebum pants, half ready to flip them, but waiting for Jinyoung's permission. His heart skips: so chivalrous, even in the middle of a hot, sweaty, extremely intense session of fucking in Jinyoung's allotted room. Not that this isn’t normal–they’ve had plenty of sex at this point, some of it kinky, some of it slow and vanilla and lazy, but this is definitely ranking on Jinyoung’s secret list of  _ Favorite Times Jaebum Has Fucked Me. _    
  
"Yeah," Jinyoung moans, nails digging into Jaebum's back, ready to get flipped and then Jaebum is rolling until the older man is on his back. He doesn't pull out when he does, Jinyoung still full to the brim of him as they roll and god it feels good; he wants to roll forever, feel Jaebum inside him like this always. But then Jaebum's hands are sliding up his thighs where Jinyoung is just sitting in his lap, grinding slightly, and the thought deteriorates.  
  
Jaebum bites his lip. "Come on, baby," and hearing him say that makes his stomach warm, so  _ fucking _ sexy, Jinyoung thinks about just changing his name to it. "Ride me."   
  
The breath leaves him on a gasp.  _ "What?" _

Jaebum is noisy, but he's not usually  _ chatty,  _ and his demanding nature has Jinyoung feeling wild, uncertain, ready to break the rules. His dark eyes are intense when his hands grasp Jinyoung's ass and squeeze. "Ride me, Junior. I wanna watch you while you ride me."   
  
Jinyoung almost comes just from that, hands on Jaebum's stomach and fingers digging in.   
So Jinyoung does—he firmly plants both his hands palm down on Jaebum's chest and rolls his hips. Jaebum's eyes flutter closed and Jinyoung whimpers low when the man's hands tighten where they're still gripped on his ass. He rolls them again, again, until he's picking up pace and then he's riding him, hands on his chest and sliding down the sweat on his skin to his stomach. Moans and grunts pull themselves out of Jaebum's chest while he writhes and bucks underneath Jinyoung, hips coming up off the bed to drive into Jinyoung deeper, harder. Jinyoung closes his eyes and shouts Jaebum's name even though it's against his rules, losing himself to the pleasure; a feeling like static in his stomach as Jaebum fucks him from below like he's the professional, instead. Jaebum's hands are on his hips now, biceps flexing and the muscle under his skin straining as he lifts Jinyoung off his lap and then roughly pulls him back down as his hips snap up, Jinyoung biting off a scream.   
  
"Yeah, ride me, baby," Jaebum is moaning, breath shattering and his voice so deep Jinyoung can feel it in his bones. "Look so good when you ride me, Junior—fuck—"  
  
Jaebum's words cut off as it's finally too much, Jaebum's mouth forming around the name he'd given himself and the feeling of Jaebum inside him, so deep he can't remember where he ends and Jaebum begins. He comes with a cry, hands on Jaebum's sides and his fingertips digging violently into his ribs as he paints his stomach with it, sweat dripping down his face and his neck and he can feel it where it slides down his chest. Jaebum gets a hand up, fingertips dragging though the come, Jinyoung shuddering at the touch, until Jaebum is reaching up and sticking his wet fingers in Jinyoung's mouth. This is new, too, but he adjusts for Jaebum,  _ always  _ adjusts for Jaebum, and he opens his mouth for Jaebum's fingers and sucks the taste of himself off of them gratefully. Jaebum bites his lower lip hard, moaning low in his throat as Jinyoung sucks and licks his fingers clean, until Jaebum is holding him down in his lap with one hand and comes inside him with a cry almost as desperate and violent as his own.

They rock together slowly for a moment, coming down, both of them drenched in sweat and panting. Jinyoung pulls off a moment later, and he breaks his rules yet again as he drops to his stomach next to Jaebum when the other man turns to his side. Jinyoung is aware he's still wet with come and sweat, but he's tired, and he lays his head on his folded arms and closes his eyes. He can feel Jaebum watching him, his heart flip flopping and unsure how he wants to feel about it. The older man sighs, and Jinyoung smiles when he feels Jaebum's fingertips at the top of his neck. Goosebumps erupt across Jinyoung's skin as Jaebum trails them down Jinyoung's spine, featherlight and unfairly gentle. His fingertips ghost over the cheek of his ass, Jaebum flattening his palm over it and gently squeezing. Even though they just finished, Jinyoung moans a bit: the touch is so gentle, so intimate, and he can feel himself trying to get hard again when Jaebum's fingers gently enter him for a second time.   
  
"God," and his deep voice is soft where it's close to Jinyoung's ear. "So wet, Junior, are you always this wet for me?"   
  
"Yes," he sighs on a moan, lower lip disappearing between his teeth as he prepares himself for round two.

 

*

 

A week passes, and then two, and he doesn’t see Jaebum at all. Which is fine–it’s not like there hasn’t been times where he doesn’t see him; sometimes Jaebum goes on business trips and Jinyoung doesn’t see him for almost a month, at least. But those times, Jaebum had been kind enough to warn him that he was going to be gone; this time, however, Jaebum seemed to have disappeared without a word. 

He acts like it doesn’t bother him, even when some of the other guys at the brothel ask if he’s doing okay. Jackson teases him a lot in particular, asking him if he’s sad that his boyfriend is gone, which usually earns Jackson a sneer and a sharp elbow in the ribs. Jackson has a point, though, in his sarcastic taunting of Jinyoung’s mopiness over Jaebum’s disappearance: he can’t be upset, he doesn’t even know the guy. But feelings are feelings, and he can’t help the way his stomach drops when he puts in another shift at the brothel and Jaebum is nowhere to be found.

Having a day job makes it easier: he only works the brothel on the weekends or when he’s really feeling desperate for money, which isn’t very often. During the weekdays he’s actually a babysitter: one of the best damn babysitters on the market (according to babysitters.com, which, he won’t tell anyone this, but he checks his rating religiously to make sure it’s still a 100%). Most of the clients there don’t know about his other job, and they’re not really present enough to ask. Those clients usually leave Jinyoung with a list and a schedule and then they’re gone, the money sent to him the next day. The few clients that do know don’t really mind much and support him, but they don’t mention it. And that’s fine: all the adorable little kids he hangs out with all day during the week don’t really need to know that he gets fucked (or does the fucking) for money. 

And he likes it, he really does: he prefers it over the job at the brothel, naturally, but the brothel gig isn’t too bad, either. The brothel has strict rules and a zero tolerance policy for debauchery that isn’t explicitly agreed upon beforehand. Jinyoung has always been in control of his body there, and has always been respected by his coworkers, his manager, and his clients. So, all in all, Jinyoung really can’t complain about life.

Which is, of course, when shit hits the fan. 

  
*  
  
  


The shrill ringing of his cellphone wakes him up out of a heavy sleep, and he nearly knocks everything off his bedside table when he reaches out to grab it. He doesn’t have any kids today, and he’d planned on sleeping in, so he’s extremely annoyed when he cracks open an eye and sees that it’s barely 9:30 am. Without moving his face from where it’s half buried in his pillow, he unlocks his phone and puts it to his ear. 

“Hullo?”

“Hi, is this Park Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung shoots up into a sitting position so fast he nearly breaks his spine, eyes wide and biting off the scream that crawls up his throat. Not to be dramatic, but he would recognize that deep, silky voice anywhere: he’s only heard it moaning his (fake) name a thousand and one times, calling for him to go  _ slower, faster, touch here, bite here, ow watch the teeth–– _

With a horrified moan, Jinyoung pulls the phone away from his face to hang up and then throws it down on his bed like it’s on fire. He stares at it with his heart pounding in his ears like it’s going to come alive and murder him, hands fisted in the sheets and pulling them up under his chin like that will magically protect him from it ever ringing again. A few minutes pass in the dead silence, and he’s starting to relax a bit when it starts to ring. Another horrified moan escapes his lips before he picks it up, debating on whether or not to answer it as he stares down at the number on the screen.

Finally, he clears his throat and answers. “Hello?” He purposefully deepens his voice a bit, giving it a rough edge so unlike his own. 

“Hello? Hi, I think we got disconnected.” Jaebum sounds unsure. Cute and unsure. Jinyoung starts to sweat.

“Oh. Yes. Perhaps. But yes, Park Jinyoung speaking.” 

“Hi,” Jaebum says again, and dammit, his voice sounds even sexier on the phone. Jinyoung tries not to giggle like a nervous fucking schoolgirl. “So, I was given your card by a friend of mine. They said you’re a really great babysitter, and I was hoping you’d maybe have an opening today?” He sounds so earnest and hopeful that Jinyoung somehow misses entirely what he’s asking. “It’s kind of an emergency.”

Jinyoung is about to answer when the realization hits: Jaebum has a  _ fucking child.  _

His mouth freezes where it’s forming a response, and he pulls the phone away from his face to stare at it as though that would help him absorb the information somehow. He keeps staring at it, brain shorting out and rebooting multiple times in a row.  _ Jaebum has a kid. Jaebum is a dad. Jaebum has a child. Jaebum might be married? Jaebum has a kid. Jaebum is a DILF. Jaebum is a DIHF. Dad I Have Fucked.  _

_ What?  _

“Hello?” Jaebum’s voice is tinny where Jinyoung is still holding the phone away from him, and he quickly puts it back to his ear.

“You have a kid?” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth, and he slaps a hand over his face so hard he hopes it gives him a black eye. He hadn’t meant to say it, but it had slipped out anyway, and he starts to furiously backpedal in his mind by thinking up an excuse to anything Jaebum might ask him.

Instead, Jaebum just titters awkwardly. “Um, yes, I do. I don’t think I’d be calling you if I didn’t.” 

_ Well, you’ve definitely called on me for something else.  _ “Right. Right. Sorry, you just sound so…”  _ Hot.  _ “Young,” he finishes lamely. 

This time, the laugh he gets is genuine, though quiet, and it makes his heart contract. He’s actually heard this laugh before, a few times, something that felt private and shared between the two of them, and it hurts him somewhere deep in his heart that there are people who get to hear it every day. “Thank you, I think.”

“Anyway, you said it was an emergency? I’m available today, if you really need it.”

“Oh, my god,” Jaebum says, and the relief in his voice is enough to make Jinyoung close his eyes. They burst open a minute later in panic: what the fuck is he doing? Jaebum has no idea who he is. He just thinks Park Jinyoung is a babysitter, but when he shows up all he’s going to see is Junior the Prostitute. But it’s too late to take it back because Jaebum is saying, “thank you so much, and I’ll pay you double for the inconvenience, I really appreciate it––”

Oh, Jesus, this is bad. “No, no, really, it’s alright–”

“Seriously,” Jaebum says over him, and Jinyoung just goes limp and flops down on the bed in defeat. “Thank you. Can you come now?”

_ I’ll probably never come ever again after this.  _ “Yes, of course.”

“Great. Thank you, again, so much. I really appreciate it. I’ll text you the address. Or do you want me to call you a car?” 

He knew Jaebum made good money, but not  _ that  _ good. He feels a scream building up in his chest at what a mistake this is but he swallows it back and hopes his voice isn’t actually as thin as he thinks it sounds. “Oh, no, that’s not necessary, the address is fine, I’ll be on my way in thirty minutes.”

“Great,” Jaebum says, sounding so relieved, and Jinyoung feels like dying. “Thank you.” 

Without replying, he hangs up and proceeds to hit himself in the forehead repeatedly with his phone. “Stupid. Stupid, stupid, you’re a stupid asshole, Park Jinyoung, and you are royally fucked.”   


  
  
*  
  
  


He decides to take his car, figuring that taking his bike would be a bad idea because a) Jaebum lives in the rich part of the city almost an hour away and b) it would probably look worse if Junior the Prostitute showed up to take care of his kid drenched in sweat.  
  
Yeah. Either way, not good.

Jinyoung pretends that he’s not shaking the entire time he sits in traffic, slowly inching his way toward Jaebum’s house. His feelings change so rapidly that he’s pretty sure he’s experiencing something akin to the seven stages of grief: shock, completely in awe that he was stupid enough to say yes and not take it back; then denial, assuming that this isn’t real and that time and consciousness are both manmade concepts; anger, screaming at himself in his rearview mirror that he is a stupid, stupid asshole and he regrets every decision he has ever made in his life that has gotten him to this point; until finally he turns onto Jaebum’s street and reaches acceptance, aware that the worst thing that could happen is that Jaebum tells him to go away and they never see each other again.

Jinyoung really, really hates how much the idea of that makes his stomach hurt.

The driveway is long, snaking through the trees until he reaches a large, circular driveway. The house isn’t as big as he thought it was going to be but it’s much larger than the one bedroom apartment he himself lives in toward the middle of downtown, and he can’t stop staring at it when he parks on one side. The house is modular, futuristic looking and like every modern-living magazine cover he’s ever seen in his life, and part of him is not surprised one bit. It’s pretty though, color-blocked in shades of gray and white with a decorative black trim. Jinyoung tries to focus on the exterior and the sound of gravel crunching under his shoes instead of the imminent clusterfuck that’s about to happen as he trudges his way up to the front door.

He hesitates for a good two minutes before knocking: but he knows that they would have heard his car pull into the driveway, and there’s no turning back now. He knocks lightly a couple times, but the house remains quiet and still on the other side. Jinyoung already feels awkward and sick with dread, and he lets his forehead thump against the door as he prepares to knock a second time. His hand is barely halfway to the door when it opens, and he yelps before catching himself on the frame to keep from falling into the doorway. 

On the other side is a little boy, no older than six. He’s got a shock of messy brown hair, wavy and sticking up all over the place like he’d been rolling around inside of a clothes dryer. He’s tall for a little one, almost to Jinyoung’s mid-thigh, and skinny as a beanpole. There’s a tiny little beauty mark under one of his eyes, and the smile that splits the kid’s face when he looks up at Jinyoung is checkered with perfect pearly whites and the empty space of missing teeth.

“Hi!” the little boy hollers, and Jinyoung nearly melts. 

“Hi,” he says, bending down, and the little boy’s grin just gets wider. “I’m Jinyoung. I’m your babysitter.”

“I know,” he says proudly, hands on his hips. He’s already full of sass and Jinyoung wants to scoop him up and run off with him. “Daddy told me already.”

Jinyoung holds his hand out and is pleased when the little boy shakes it confidently. “Where is your dad? You shouldn’t open the door by yourself.” 

Suddenly there’s a voice approaching, one he’s heard a thousand times; so many times in real life and even more so in his dreams. “I know, I’ve been trying to tell him that.” 

His stomach bottoms out and he keeps his eyes focused on the boy, who turns around and looks up as Jaebum approaches him. He points at Jinyoung, still crouching, face toward the carpet of their entryway and trying to gear himself up for what comes next. “Look, daddy! It’s the babysitter.” 

“Yes,” he laughs, and Jinyoung sees Jaebum’s hand where it comes down to ruffle his son’s hair. He swallows hard. He has to stand up at some point but he’s pretty sure his knees are locked. Forever. “I know, I invited him over, because Daddy has to go somewhere for a while for work.” 

_ It’s now or never you idiot, just stand up and get it over with.  _ He puts his hands on his thighs and pushes himself up slowly, Jaebum looking down and still talking to the little boy leaning on his leg.

“So you better be nice. Hi, Jinyoung,” he says, and then he’s looking up, hand outstretched. “Nice to meet––”

Their eyes lock, and he can see the moment it clicks for him. Jaebum’s face goes pure white, voice dying in his throat, seemingly frozen in place. Jinyoung just stands there, arms at his sides, unsure now if he needs to stick with it or turn tail and run home. Fuck the car, Jaebum can keep the car, as long as Jinyoung can get out of here and get out of here  _ now.  _

Finally, after a good, solid minute of silence, Jinyoung’s face scrunches up. “Hi,” he says meekly, shoulders at his ears in a sort of silent declaration of  _ surprise! Guess who?  _

Jaebum’s hand drops, and Jinyoung’s stomach drops with it. His face is expressionless, and even his son seems to sense something is off. “Dad?” 

_ “Junior?”  _ Jaebum finally says, voice colored in disbelief, and Jinyoung really wants to just fall down and die. Right here, right now.

He shuffles on his feet a little bit, studiously avoiding the way his son is staring at the two of them with a  _????????  _ clear on his tiny, adorable face. “It’s...Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung. But, yes, technically.” 

There’s still nothing on Jaebum’s face but a stunned emptiness, and Jinyoung finally gets uncomfortable. “Look, if this is weird, I’ll––”

“Oh, it’s beyond weird,” Jaebum says, the first hint of something else in his voice besides surprise, and Jinyoung swallows nervously. But then Jaebum is grabbing him by the wrist and hauling him inside, the dark oak door slamming behind them. Jaebum’s son follows behind them, little voice sounding confused and a bit nervous. 

“Daddy? What’s going on? Who is Junior?” 

Hearing his  _ other  _ name come out of the mouth of a child makes him feel a bit like puking on Jaebum’s nice, cream carpet. 

“Nothing, Yugyeom,” he says, voice calm for his son, and he lets go of Jinyoung’s wrist once they make it into the living room. Jaebum bends at the knee and touches his son’s face to reassure him, murmuring quietly as Jinyoung looks away and at the expanse of Jaebum’s house. Much like the outside, it’s also modern, with sleek furniture and everything is a neat, symmetrical form, with the same shades as the outside apparent on the inside decoration as well. The only difference is the pop of color that piles of toys offer to the dark nature of the decoration, legos scattered in a corner and a (pretty sweet) setup of a play room in an alcove by the back door. The curtains over the sliding glass door is pushed away, offering plenty of afternoon sunlight and a nice view into the lush greenness of Jaebum’s backyard.

Jinyoung is torn away from the scenery when he hears Jaebum’s voice say, “now, go play in your room for a little bit and Daddy will tell you when it’s alright to come out, okay?” 

Jinyoung glances over his shoulder to see Yugyeom nodding, looking a bit worried but mostly content. Jaebum kisses him on the forehead and gently ushers him away with a pat on his back. Jaebum stays crouched with his head turned away as he watches until Yugyeom disappears down the hallway and into his room, and then he’s standing up and turning toward him so fast Jinyoung steps back.

“What the hell is this?” Jaebum says, and his voice is tight but his face is still wiped clean. The only evidence that something might be wrong is the way his eyebrows are stitched together, and Jinyoung reminds himself not to start admiring the way his coppery hair is pushed back off his forehead and he’s dressed in business casual because they’re about to start arguing. 

“What is what?” Jinyoung asks, aware of what he’s asking but unsure how to answer it.

“What are you  _ doing  _ here?” Jaebum asks, and he stands with both hands on his hips, staring a hole through Jinyoung’s head where they’re making uncomfortably intense eye contact. Jinyoung finds that it’s fun when they’re having sex but it’s terrible when Jaebum’s upset. 

“I’m here to babysit your kid,” Jinyoung replies, and even as he says it, he feels himself relax a bit. It is, of course, the truth: he babysits kids, and he’s here to babysit Jaebum’s kid. Even though he knew it was Jaebum and he had no idea it was Jinyoung, he still agreed because  _ this is his job _ . If Jaebum can’t understand that, he’s not sure that this is going to be entirely worth it. 

“Don’t be sarcastic,” Jaebum snaps, and the cross expression disappears as quickly as it appears until his face is stoic again. Jinyoung can make out the way his jaw is clenched, tipping him off that he’s at least a little pissed.

“I’m not, actually,” Jinyoung says, and he crosses his arm across his chest. “That is why I’m here. You called me to babysit, and here I am. To babysit.”

“But you’re––” Jaebum says, and fumbles; gestures vaguely. The first sign that he’s nervous.

“A babysitter?” Jinyoung supplies helpfully, and Jaebum sucks his teeth. 

“A prostitute.”

Jinyoung shrugs. “Today I’m a babysitter.”

“Did you know it was me?” Jaebum asks, and he runs a hand through his hair. Jinyoung pretends like he doesn’t watch it, and he pretends that Jaebum doesn’t notice.

“I’ve heard your voice pretty often,” he says, and his heart flutters when Jaebum blushes across from him. “So. It wasn’t very hard to connect the dots.”

“I didn’t know you were a babysitter. Much less a professional one.” 

Jinyoung actually laughs at this, but it’s a little bitter. He’s never liked how unbalanced Jaebum has made him feel, so easily deviating from his routine and his rules for him. So when Jaebum says this and he realizes just how little they know each other except in the most biblical way, he finds that his heart hurts a little bit.

“It’s not really something that I like telling people while they’re in the middle of fucking me.” 

Jaebum’s face changes: it slips in surprise, then darkens, then reddens even as he clears the expression entirely.  _ “‘People’?”  _

“You’re not the only person I fuck.” 

“Watch it, there’s a kid in here,” he scolds, but his tone sounds jealous. Jinyoung’s stomach does something weird.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Are you mad?”

“About what?” 

“That I’m here.” 

Jaebum seems to think for a moment, bottom lip between his teeth, and it’s hard for Jinyoung not to focus on it. Instead, he focuses on how handsome Jaebum looks with his clothes  _ on:  _ he’s always been fond of Jaebum’s wide shoulders, but the tight fit and sharp cut of his button up accentuates them, makes them wider, and his masculine hips look even better in the low rise of his khaki pants. His eyes flick back to find Jaebum watching him, expression unreadable.

“Yes. A little bit.”

“Really? I can’t even tell. That’s terrifying.”

Jinyoung feels satisfied when the corner of Jaebum’s mouth twitches like he’s going to smile. The older man looks away for a moment, licking his lips, hands planted firmly on his waist. God, he looks like a fucking dad. Jinyoung almost laughs.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks, voice softer, unsure now. 

Jaebum looks back at him, and the intense staring contest continues. Suddenly the atmosphere of the room has changed, and he swallows hard under Jaebum’s gaze. “No.” 

“I’m just here to babysit,” Jinyoung says, surprising himself. “That’s all. I promise.”

Jaebum looks confused for a moment, but then he mirrors Jinyoung’s swallow and looks away. “Right. That’s what I’m paying you for.”

_ It’s not the only thing you pay me for  _ is the unspoken reply between them, and their eyes don’t meet for the duration of an awkward silence.

“Listen,” Jaebum says, startling him, but he looks over to realize that Jaebum is standing much closer than he was just a minute ago. Jinyoung can feel his body heat where it radiates off him, and this is so familiar to him but in the most foreign way––he hates the way it tears him in half, and he just looks up into Jaebum’s eyes where they’re flicking back and forth across his face like he’s memorizing it. “I have to go.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung breathes, too aware of their proximity, but Jaebum doesn’t move right away.

“We’ll talk about this when I come back. Just, please take care of him, alright?” Jaebum says, and it’s almost pleading, but Jinyoung knows in his heart that Jaebum would never have to beg him for anything.

“I will. You know me.” 

Jaebum smiles, but it’s tinged with a bit of sadness that makes Jinyoung’s heart ache. “No, I don’t.”

Jinyoung opens his mouth to reply, but then Jaebum is turning away from him with a Dad smile on his face and calling for Yugyeom. He moves away to catch the little boy when he comes racing down the hallway, jumping straight into Jaebum’s arms and throwing them around his neck. Jaebum laughs, low and real, and Jinyoung just watches, more confused than he’s ever been. Yugyeom kisses Jaebum on the cheek before Jaebum readjusts so that he’s holding the little boy on his hip, turning to face Jinyoung where he’s starting with his arms folded protectively across his chest. His insides hurt, but he can’t help the smile that splits his face when Yugyeom leans his head heavily against Jaebum’s, their cheeks smooshed together.

“We’re gonna have fun, right, Jinyoung-ssi?” he crows, little smile so big and bright it’s like the sun. “Before dad sent me to my room, he said we were gonna have so much fun and that I can do whatever I want––”

“I did  _ not _ say that, actually––”

Jinyoung laughs. “Yeah, kid. We’re gonna have fun.” 

Jaebum kisses Yugyeom on the head before setting him down, and he runs over to immediately wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s leg. Yugyeom starts to talk a mile a minute at him, and Jinyoung puts a hand on his head and ruffles his hair and smiles, the dark feeling in his chest still lingering, but less so with Yugyeom telling him all the games they’re gonna play. Jinyoung looks up to see if Jaebum has gone, and he’s surprised to see Jaebum with his briefcase leaning against the front door, watching them with a look that he swears up and down might be fondness. Shy now, Jinyoung taps Yugyeom on the head and points at Jaebum.=

“Wave bye to your dad so he can leave,” he says, and laughs when Yugyeom starts frantically.  
  
“Bye Dad!” he yells at the top of his lungs, waving so hard Jinyoung is afraid his arm is going to pop off, but it makes him laugh. They both wave goodbye to Jaebum, who gives Jinyoung one last lingering look before he goes, closing the front door behind him.

 

 

**II.**

 

They play for hours.  
  
Yugyeom is, for lack of a better word, exhausting. He never runs out of energy, always running this way and that way, always just out of reach when Jinyoung swipes at the back of his giant shirt. But this is the kind of thing that Jinyoung lives for: Yugyeom’s imagination is wild, overactive, incredible. There’s no end to the hundreds and hundreds of pretend scenarios that he comes up with, or the millions of games he makes up, with really complicated rules that seem to make perfect sense to his six year old brain but mean absolutely nothing to Jinyoung. Yugyeom is a soft little boy, sweet and affectionate, but a strict teacher: any time Jinyoung would mess up the rules of a game, Yugyeom would sigh heavily (in the most unfairly adorable way; he’s only six but he sighs like a tired forty year old) and put his little hands on his hips. 

“Jinyoung-ssi,” he says, when Jinyoung messes up and moves  _ again _ . Yugyeom’s been trying to teach him the rules of this game for about twenty minutes: he’s not supposed to move until Yugyeom tells him to, and then Jinyoung has about maybe a minute to thirty seconds (depending on how generous Yugyeom is feeling) to move across the room and into a new position. He’s not sure what the objective is, exactly, but he knows that Yugyeom is loving the way Jinyoung takes advantage of his flexibility and bends in ridiculous ways to make him laugh. Whatever the game is supposed to be, it’s apparently very entertaining to him, as Yugyeom’s chubby cheeks are red from laughter. “You moved again. You lose!” 

“Aigo,” Jinyoung whines, loosening up his arms and flopping down onto the carpet in defeat. “You win, Yugyeomie. I can’t do it anymore.” 

Sighing again, Yugyeom leaps off his tiny stool and runs over to where Jinyoung is laying on his stomach on the plush carpet. Jinyoung watches him as he climbs onto his back, settling in with his legs crossed under his giant shirt in the small of Jinyoung’s back. The paper crown he’s been wearing since they’d pretended to be a prince and a dragon (guess which role Jinyoung got stuck with) is titled lopsided on his head, and Jinyoung can see the tiredness starting to line his eyes when he looks back at him. 

Yugyeom is watching him carefully, quietly, which makes Jinyoung a little bit suspicious: Yugyeom is sweet but he’s  _ loud,  _ always whining at the top of his lungs or screaming with laughter. His chocolatey eyes are serious, eyebrows furrowed a bit, like he’s being inspected. The wand in his hand is loose and the points of the star at the top are digging into Jinyoung’s back where it’s laying against his shirt, but he’s afraid to say anything lest Yugyeom’s quiet moment gets ruined. So they just stay like that for a while: watching each other quietly, blinking and breathing, bonding in the silence as Yugyeom sits on Jinyoung’s back. 

Finally, after a while, Yugyeom speaks. His little voice is soft, the most soft he’s heard it since Jaebum had been home, and Jinyoung recognizes it as his serious voice. “Jinyoung-ssi?” 

“You can call me hyung, you know,” Jinyoung says, and Yugyeom smiles before lifting up the bottom of his oversized shirt and burying his face in it shyly. He peeks out a moment later, letting it drop back down onto his bare legs.

“Jinyoung hyung, I think you should marry my dad.” 

Jinyoung jerks, Yugyeom yelping in surprise and fisting his hands in Jinyoung’s shirt to keep himself from falling. He laughs, obviously pleased, but settles when Jinyoung pushes up onto his elbows and looks back at him. “What?” 

“I think you should get married to my dad.” 

Jinyoung swallows. Where the hell is this coming from? As far as Yugyeom knows, Jinyoung has only known his dad for the maybe ten or so minutes Jaebum had been home this afternoon when Jinyoung showed up. That’s not  _ true _ , of course, they know each other pretty intimately, but Yugyeom doesn’t know that. So for him to suggest marriage gives Jinyoung a hint that there might be some deeper issue that Yugyeom is trying to express but can’t find the words for. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Because,” Yugyeom says, and he keeps his hands locked on the material of Jinyoung’s shirt but looks down, voice quieting. “I think he’s sad.”

Jinyoung’s heart stops, and shatters. Yugyeom seems so worried, his voice so shaky when he says it. “Oh, baby, I don’t think so. He just works a lot. He might be tired.” 

“It’s not that,” Yugyeom says, and his voice is stronger when he looks up but it feels so terrible to watch a six year old look so forlorn. Jinyoung isn’t really sure what to do to help him––he doesn’t know Jaebum  _ that  _ well, and he knows even less about Yugyeom, so he feels like a fish out of water at the sadness on the little boy’s face. “You know I don’t have a mom, right Jinyoungie? My dad told you that, right?” 

His heart feels like it’s going to stop with how sluggishly it’s beating. “No,” he replies, voice soft. “He didn’t.” 

“Well, my mom left when I was a little baby. ‘Cause I guess she didn’t want me,” and Jinyoung nearly tears up: how could someone not want this perfect little boy? But Yugyeom doesn’t sound sad, just factual. “But dad loves me. Dad loves me a lot. But who loves my dad?” 

Jinyoung never thought that a six year old could be this observant, this smart, already so in tune with the world and honest in a way that Jinyoung knows some adults aren’t even capable of. “You do, Yugyeomie. You love him.” 

“I know I do,” he says. “I love Dad. But it’s not the same. I’m not lonely ‘cause I have Dad, and babysitters when he’s gone. None of them are as good as you, hyung, just so you know. You’re the best babysitter ever, so dad better call you again. So I’m not lonely, ‘cause I have Dad and the babysitters and you and Nora…” he looks around for a moment, “somewhere around here. She likes to hide. Did you know we have a cat?”

“No,” Jinyoung says, even though he does; he remembers the day he’d broken another rule for Jaebum and let him lie in bed with him for a while, watching with a feeling too close to content for comfort when Jaebum started scrolling through his phone for pictures of the cat. “I didn’t.”

“She’s really pretty and her name is Nora. She likes to hide, so that’s why you can’t see her. But my dad doesn’t have anyone but me.” 

Jinyoung drops his head a bit, eyebrows furrowing. “I think that’s enough, though. Your dad loves you very, very much. He has you, and I think that’s all he needs.” 

Yugyeom’s eyes start to shine with tears, and Jinyoung feels his chest contract in panic. Yugyeom hasn’t cried once today, so he’s not sure what will make him feel better, and it’s nearly 10 o’clock as it is––an hour past his bedtime, which Jaebum made sure to emphasize but wasn’t entirely strict about. Jinyoung relaxes minutely when he realizes that Yugyeom is just tired, and that he’s more emotional when he’s tired, like most kids are. 

“Won’t you think about it, hyung? Please? I just want my dad to be happy.” 

“I’m sure he’s happy enough,” Jinyoung says softly, but he nods anyway. “But I’ll think about it. Just for you.”

The smile that breaks out on Yugyeom’s face is radiant, and Jinyoung inwardly breathes a sigh of relief at the crisis that was just narrowly avoided. Jinyoung sighs. “It’s bedtime now, kiddo.”

Yugyeom sticks his lip out in a pout but doesn’t try to fight it much. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” Jinyoung says, and laughs a little. “Your dad will kill me if I keep you up any later.” 

“I don’t think so,” Yugyeom says, and obeys when Jinyoung tells him to grab on to his shirt tight and hold on as Jinyoung gets up on his hands and knees.  Yugyeom squeals in delight, dropping his legs down on either side of Jinyoung’s sides so that he’s riding Jinyoung’s back like a horse. “He can’t kill you, hyung. Not unless I say so, which I don’t, ‘cause you’re the best.” He cuts himself off to yell when Jinyoung starts to crawl on his hands and knees around the living room, Yugyeom laughing and holding onto his shirt tightly as Jinyoung moves. 

“You won’t let him kill me, huh?” Jinyoung says, turning to head for the hallway so that they can go through Yugyeom’s nightly routine, and he wonders if a conversation about murder is exactly appropriate to have with a six year old. “That’s nice of you.”

But Yugyeom just laughs. “Nuh uh, hyung. I won’t let him. But I don’t think he’d kill you anyway.”

“Yeah? How come?” 

“‘Cause, you’re pretty,” Yugyeom says, tugging on Jinyoung’s shirt to make him go faster. “And my dad likes pretty stuff.” 

It’s not exactly a weird answer, but he knows how brutally honest kids can be, and the thought sends one of his hands skidding across the carpet. He lands on an elbow so that his face doesn’t hit the floor, but the sudden stop sends Yugyeom over his shoulder. The little boy yelps in surprise, tumbling head over heels until he lands flat on his back on the carpet. Jinyoung pops up on his hands immediately, crawling over to make sure Yugyeom’s okay where he’s just lying there. Yugyeom’s face is blank, and Jinyoung is so terrified he’s about to start crying when the biggest grin splits his face, and the most beautiful laughter comes spilling out of his mouth. Yugyeom starts cracking up, little hands on his belly where it's shaking with laughter. Jinyoung breaks out in a smile, leaning over Yugyeom to tickle him. He shrieks, legs kicking, hands scrabbling at Jinyoung’s wrist, and they’re so busy making a ton of noise and laughing with each other that neither of them hear the front door open.

“Yugyeom?” 

Yugyeom launches into a sitting position when he hears his dad’s voice, yelling “Dad!” at the top of his lungs. Jinyoung immediately pulls his hands away so that Yugyeom can get up, and he’s running over to Jaebum and crashing into his legs, begging to be picked up. Jaebum smiles down at him, and God, Jinyoung’s heart swells and contracts in the span of a second as Jaebum drops his briefcase to pick his son up by the armpits. Jaebum hasn’t looked over at him yet, which might be for the best: he looks at Yugyeom, who is looking down at Jaebum with so much love Jinyoung thinks he might be sick.

“Did you have fun today?” Jaebum asks, and smiles wider when Yugyeom starts to nod furiously.

“Jinyoung hyung is the best,” Yugyeom says, rubbing his eye with one hand. “When you left we made grilled cheeses and they were so yummy, Jinyoung is really good at making them, but he’s not a good cook like you. Then he let me color for a while, and then we did a bunch of pretend games. I made Jinyoung-ssi be a dragon! And he rawr-ed real loud and it was kind of scary but it was really funny, he’s a good dragon, but I was the prince so I had to kill him. And then we played another game and then he lost a bunch of times so he gave up.”

The look in Jaebum’s eyes in unreadable, but the look on his face is calm and sweet and happy, directed at his son. “I’m glad you had fun. But did you know it’s way past your bedtime?” 

Yugyeom buries his chin in his chest guiltily. “Yes. But it’s not hyung’s fault, I swear. I wanted to stay up and play games, and he let me ‘cause he’s really nice.”

“That’s alright,” Jaebum says, and he kisses Yugyeom’s forehead before leaning over to set him down. Yugyeom clings to him, not wanting to let go, and wraps his arms around Jaebum’s legs. “But it’s time to say goodnight and goodbye, because it’s time for you to go to bed and for Jinyoung-ssi to go home.”

He hears that first sniffle muffled against Jaebum’s legs, and he smiles a bit. Jaebum glances up at him for the first time, expression wiped, and it makes him so nervous that the smile drops. Yugyeom finally turns, walking slowly with his head down to where Jinyoung is standing by the fireplace, and then wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s leg. He presses his face into Jinyoung’s thigh, sniffling. 

“Don’t go, hyung, I don’t want you to go home.”

Jinyoung gently pries his hands away, and bends at the knee to be eye level with him. Jinyoung cups Yugyeom’s crying face in his palms, rubbing his chubby cheeks with his thumbs comfortingly. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Jaebum watching them intently, and Jinyoung tries to ignore it and swallows nervously. “I know, Yugyeomie, but I have to. You and your dad have to go to bed. I’ll come back, okay? If your dad lets me, I’ll come back, and we’ll play even more games. Alright? But be good, and listen to your dad.”

Yugyeom sighs, tears on his cheeks, but he nods. Jinyoung lets go of him and Yugyeom wraps his arms around his neck, burying his face into the juncture at his shoulder. “I love you, hyung.” 

“Oh,” Jinyoung says, surprised, as he lifts a hand to gently rub Yugyeom’s back. “I love you, too, kiddo. Bedtime, okay? Go with your dad.” 

Squeezing, Yugyeom sadly lets go and runs back to his dad. Jaebum sighs and picks him up, letting Yugyeom drop his head onto his shoulder tiredly. Jaebum looks at him, and Jinyoung wants to just leave: his job is done now, time to go, but Jaebum’s stare holds him in place. 

“Stay out here for a minute while I put him to bed so we can talk,” Jaebum says, and barely gives Jinyoung enough time to nod before he disappears down the hallway with his son.

The anxiety builds the longer he just stands in the silence of the spacious living room, so he starts to roam around and pick up the toys that Yugyeom had scattered about over the course of the day. Jinyoung didn’t think he’d played with this many but they’re seemingly everywhere, and he’s silently thankful the kid didn’t ever bring up Legos and that those are stashed firmly away in their tub when he bends down to sort the other toys in their bins. He’s so focused on his task that he doesn’t hear Jaebum come back into the living room until suddenly he’s clearing his throat a few steps away from Jinyoung’s back.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Oh!” Jinyoung exclaims in surprise, dropping the toy dinosaurs he’d been holding. He’s glad he’s facing away from Jaebum so that the older man can’t see how red his face is in embarrassment, and he wills the color to fade as he drops the rest of the toys in their bins before turning. “It’s the least I could do.”

He notices for the first time that Jaebum looks very tired: there’s shadows under his dark eyes, and the collar of his shirt is flipped up where the first two buttons are undone. If he’d been wearing a tie it’s gone now, and the shirt sleeves rolled lazily up to his elbows look better than they have the right to. Jinyoung swallows and looks away, toward the door, to avoid making eye contact. It’s such a strange feeling, being alone in a room with him where they aren’t trying to tear each other’s clothes off: they know each other, in a way, but they don’t  _ know  _ each other, and Jinyoung feels a little disappointed at how awkward it feels.

“Least you could do? You watched the tiny terror all day.”

Jinyoung looks over when Jaebum motions toward the hallway with his head. He looks less closed off than he had when he’d first come back, and the tiredness around his eyes has softened his expression a bit. “Still. I wasn’t going to make you pick up after a long day.”

Jaebum hums, in some semblance of thanks he guesses, and slides his hands into the pockets of his suit pants. “How was he today?” 

This, at least, is easy enough to answer honestly. He sighs happily, slightly amused at the surprised expression on Jaebum’s face when he does. “Just wonderful. He’s such a sweet kid. Hilarious, too. He’s so funny. Creative, and very smart. Intuitive––” He remembers what Yugyeom had said about him thinking Jaebum is sad, and he feels the smile on his face slip a bit.

Unfortunately, Jaebum seems to be paying very close attention to his face, because he notices it. Jinyoung pretends like that doesn’t do something to him. “What?” 

Jinyoung makes a noise against his teeth, looking away. He’s not sure if he should say anything––Jaebum is his dad, after all, and he should know, but he’s not sure what kind of line of conversation it’ll open and he’s not entirely sure he’s ready to deal with it. “Ah, it was nothing. He’s just a smart kid, is all.” 

Jaebum looks at him suspiciously, eyes intense and searching his face to decide if he’s lying or not. Whether he thinks Jinyoung is telling the truth he doesn’t say, and the expression clears. “Well, thank you. For watching him today.”

Back to the awkwardness. Jinyoung rocks on his heels a bit. “It was really no problem. He’s a great kid, and I wasn’t really sure if I should show up but I’m glad––”

“Were you going to say no?” Jaebum interrupts, his eyebrows furrowing. 

“I should have,” Jinyoung says honestly, lifting a dropping a shoulder. It’s not exactly a lie––he should have said no, but that overwhelming relief in Jaebum’s voice when he’d agreed was too hard to back out on.  

This seems to irritate him a bit. “Why didn’t you tell me who you were?”

It’s a good question, and a valid question, but the way Jaebum asks him rubs him the wrong way and he gets defensive. He snorts a little humorlessly. “What was I supposed to say? ‘Sure, I’ll come watch your kid, but heads up, I’m the prostitute you’ve been fucking.’”

Jaebum’s eyes flash and he crosses his arms across his chest. Jinyoung’s never argued with him before––he’s seen Jaebum angry, but those nights Jaebum would fuck him so hard and so quietly that Jinyoung can’t ever recall him saying a word, and then he would leave before he could take it out on him. Jinyoung feels like he’s standing on unsteady ground now and it makes him nervous.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a babysitter?” 

At this, Jinyoung can’t help but laugh a bit. “When? All the times you were fucking me?”

“Watch it,” Jaebum warns, taking a step closer, and Jinyoung takes a step back. “This isn’t a whorehouse, don’t talk like that in here.”

“‘A whorehouse’?” Jinyoung mocks; Jaebum flinches visibly and he’s sure his own face is red with anger instead of embarrassment. That, at least, he can handle, combined with the fact that this is almost identical to the first conversation they had but with a bit more anger. “Classy.” 

Jaebum reddens a bit but doesn’t comment on it. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a babysitter?” he asks again, seemingly frustrated. 

“The same reason you didn’t tell me you had a kid,” Jinyoung spits, and Jaebum’s mouth drops open in surprise. He seems like he hadn’t been expecting Jinyoung to say that, or to be right about it: those were just the things that didn’t come up when Jaebum was paying to see him for an hour or so on the weekends. “Because I’m a prostitute.” 

Jaebum’s mouth is still open like he’s trying to find the words, but nothing comes. Jinyoung makes a noise of disgust and uncrosses his arms where he’d been gripping his elbows protectively over his chest. He moves to push past Jaebum, a farewell already on his lips when their shoulders knock together, but he hasn’t even made it a step away before Jaebum reaches out to grab his wrist and pull him back.

It’s not exactly gentle, and Jinyoung’s back hits the mantle over the fireplace. His eyes are wide in shock, mouth already open to argue, but there’s a look on Jaebum’s face he’s never seen before. It’s almost pleading, an undercurrent of anxiousness that mirrors the one in Jinyoung’s chest when he realizes how close together they are now, and where Jaebum is still gripping his wrist. Jinyoung’s heart starts to beat harder, his mouth drying out almost as though his body is fine-tuned to react when Jaebum touches him a certain way. Jinyoung wets his lips, and tries to ignore the fact that Jaebum’s eyes move to follow it. 

Jaebum looks up afterward, licking his own lips before he speaks. “I’m...I’m sorry.”

Jinyoung wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t an apology. “It’s alright.”

He feels guilty for watching the way Jaebum pulls his bottom lip between his teeth like he’s nervous and trying to find the words. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“About what?” 

The red flush is more apparent on his face now, creeping up his neck, and he looks to the wall beside Jinyoung’s face instead of right at him. “About your job.” 

“Oh.” Jinyoung says, and notices that Jaebum is still gripping his wrist, and that their chests are barely an inch apart. His heartbeat starts to drum in his ears. He shrugs nonchalantly. “It’s alright. I know what it is. How it seems. But I really didn’t tell you because you sounded so relieved on the phone and I would have hated for you to find out it was me and then have to keep calling for sitters.”

“Ah,” Jaebum says, and Jinyoung feels where his fingers loosen their grip on his wrist but have yet to let go. “Well, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Jinyoung stutters, hyper aware of how close they’re standing, too in tune with Jaebum’s body to know that he’s watching Jinyoung’s mouth. Neither of them say anything for a moment, their eyes held, and Jaebum is looking at him so intensely where he’s got him backed against the wall that Jinyoung feels like he might start sweating. He’s about to say something when he feels Jaebum’s hand slide up his arm from his wrist, and the touch makes him shudder involuntarily. Jaebum’s hand trails up his bicep and over his shoulder where he cups his neck, thumb brushing his jawline. Jinyoung’s eyes close against the look on Jaebum’s face: it’s softer, sweeter, apologetic, unsure. Jinyoung wants to run but he feels himself lean into the touch, head turning, Jaebum’s thumb catching the corner of his lips and he hears the older man sigh under his breath. Jaebum drags his thumb back and forth across his jawline, breathing slowly, his touch gentle but his body tense where it’s barely an inch from Jinyoung’s. His eyes open, blinking slowly, to find Jaebum already looking at him. His heart is beating wildly against his ribs.  _ What the hell are we doing?  _

“It’s unfair, you know,” Jaebum murmurs, and Jinyoung swallows hard, reminding himself feverishly to keep his hands to himself. 

He hopes his voice isn’t shaking as much as he thinks it is. “What is?”

“You. Being so untouchable.”

Jinyoung’s head feels like it’s full of brightly colored confetti, so many thoughts crashing together but fluttering away at the feel of Jaebum’s thumb at his jaw so that he can’t focus on one, can’t decipher what Jaebum might mean by that. Jinyoung swallows hard against the feeling that want to crawl up his throat. 

“You touch me all the time,” he says, breath hitching when Jaebum presses the tip of his thumb to the corner of Jinyoung’s mouth. 

“That’s not what I mean,” and his voice is impossibly soft, bridging that last inch so that their chests are brushing with each shortened breath. Jaebum’s eyes are filled with so much emotion that Jinyoung is afraid to process it, and he’s tempted to close his eyes when Jaebum is leaning a bit closer. “Can I kiss you?” 

Jinyoung’s heart stops. This is an explicit rule that he sets for every client, and one that he’s yet to break even for mysterious, handsome, DIHF Im Jaebum, despite how much he’s wanted to in the past. But kissing expected a certain level of intimacy that Jinyoung was unable to reach with his clients, and had no interest in reaching with his clients: the lips were off limits. The fact that Jaebum is looking at him like he’s never wanted anything more makes Jinyoung wonder just how long Jaebum has wanted to kiss him but respected him enough not to do it. But now he’s asking, desire in his eyes, and Jinyoung doesn’t know how much longer he can fight against it.

“Jaebum, I––” 

“I know,” he says, and he drags his thumb slowly across the length of Jinyoung’s bottom lip, and the sensation is so fleetingly sensual that his mouth drops open on a gasp. He can see where Jaebum’s eyes darken, wanting to eat up the sound with his own mouth, but holds back. “I know. Just once. I just––I just want to know what it feels like.”

Jinyoung nods, imperceptibly, but Jaebum’s sharp eyes catch it. There’s a quiet noise like a sigh of relief that leaves him, and then Jaebum is angling his head down to cover Jinyoung’s mouth with his own.

He’d thought he was ready––but he isn’t, and he turns his head slightly to the side so that Jaebum only catches the corner of his mouth. Jaebum hesitates for a moment, lips at his skin, and Jinyoung is about to push him away: Jaebum’s lips are impossibly soft, and even their warmth at the corner of his mouth is enough to make him want more, to feel them over his own, to let Jaebum devour him, but his heart hangs heavy in his chest with fear. Jaebum pulls away a bit, but only plants another small kiss to Jinyoung’s cheek, hand still gently cupped around his neck. Their stomachs brush together when Jaebum angles a bit closer, head dipping, kissing at the curve of Jinyoung’s jaw underneath his ear now. Jinyoung’s whole body shudders, one hand coming up to grab Jaebum’s wrist and the other to his chest to push him back, but Jaebum plants another kiss to the underside of his jaw on his neck and he feels his knees turn to water.

“Jaebum,” Jinyoung says shakily, feeling breathless just from Jaebum’s kisses. The older man hums where he’s pressing another kiss to Jinyoung’s jaw under his ear, his perfect Adonis’ nose brushing at his cheek when he does. “Jaebum, we can’t––”

“Kid sleeps like the dead,” he murmurs, voice at Jinyoung’s ear, and he can’t help but bite his lip. 

“That’s not––” he gasps a little when Jaebum kisses his earlobe, thumb pressing into his throat under his jaw, and the combined pressure and sensitivity of his ear makes him shake. “I just––” his breath hitches and Jaebum’s low noise in the back of his throat is finally enough to snap him out of it. He gently pushes at Jaebum’s chest, holding him away from his body by the wrist. Jaebum’s eyes are dark, made even more hooded by the low light of the living room, and God if he doesn’t make the perfect picture like this, face flushed red, eyes hungry, shirt unkempt with a tired sort of wanting. “I can’t.”

“What’s the matter?” he asks, hand still cupping Jinyoung’s neck. His voice is low, but not malicious; just genuine.

“I just...I can’t have sex with you in your house, and then have you come back and see me on the weekends and pretend like it didn’t happen. It’s too personal now, and I––” he chokes a little, unsure how to express his next thought. “And I don’t...I don’t not want to see you anymore,” he finishes, embarrassed by the confession, and he pulls Jaebum’s hand away to look down in shame. 

Jaebum’s wrist rotates out of Jinyoung’s grip and then he feels the older man’s fingers in his hair, touching softly. “Then let me take you on a date.”

Jinyoung’s head snaps up.  _ “What?”  _

“Let me take you on a date,” Jaebum says, cool as ice. Jinyoung would be convinced he didn’t hear him correctly if he didn’t repeat himself.

“Why?”

Jaebum laughs quietly, dropping his hand and shoving them into his pants pockets again. “You said you don’t want to stop seeing me, and I don’t want to stop seeing you, and I’m not sure I could pretend like this didn’t happen either. So let’s go on a date.”

“I––” he’s at a loss. He’s not supposed to date his clients (his own rules, of course), but it seems like hot dad Im Jaebum is just determined to get Jinyoung to turn everything he knows upside down for him. And with the smile that pulls up the corners of Jaebum’s mouth, he thinks he just might. Afraid of what might happen, he swallows hard. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

Jaebum looks incredibly happy and Jinyoung doesn’t even know if this night is real anymore.

“Yes.”

“You can say no, Jinyoung-ah.” 

He feels his heart shake at the way  _ Jinyoung-ah  _ rolls of his tongue like he's been saying it for years.

“I don’t––” he takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself. “I don’t want to say no. I’m just scared.” Ever devastatingly honest. 

Jaebum’s eyes soften unfairly and Jinyoung feels ashamed. He feels Jaebum’s hand on his cheek again. “It’ll be alright, Jinyoung-ah. Let’s just see how it goes.”  
**  
He thinks that was supposed to comfort him, but it doesn’t. He nods his head anyway. “Sure. Let’s just see how it goes.” **

 

 

**III.**

 

“You’re going on a  _ date  _ with him?!” 

Jackson screeches so loud over the phone that Jinyoung winces and pulls it away from his ear. Sighing, he holds the phone back to his ear with his shoulder as he buttons up his shirt with both hands. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“Why? Because you hate me?” 

Jinyoung closes his eyes and laughs a little. “No, idiot, because I knew you’d react this way.”

“Whatever,” Jackson says, and Jinyoung can imagine the way he probably rolls over onto his back on his bed like a gossipy teenage girl. “But seriously, you agreed to a date with him?  _ You?”  _

“Yah, I can want to go on dates too, can’t I? I’m 25.”

He fixes the collar of his shirt as he heads to the closet to find a sweater, listening to Jackson titter. “He’s so much older, and based on what you told me, rich as hell. Are you sure you’re not just going so he’ll be your sugar daddy?” 

Jinyoung’s hand drops from his sweaters as he tenses in defense; a serious look passes over his face even though Jackson can’t see it and would laugh it off anyways. “Don’t be mean.”

“I’m not!”

“That’s not why I want to go out with him,” Jinyoung mutters into the phone, struggling to find a good sweater to match his pants and shirt. “I don’t know, Jackson, he’s been coming in for so long, and sometimes I let him stay and we talk and I just…” he trails off lamely, dropping his hand in frustration.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jackson interrupts, but it’s fond instead of condescending. “You and your feelings. I get it.” 

“I don’t know if I’d call them feelings, Jackson, I barely know him––”

“Sure, but you know enough, and you’ve been letting him pound your ass, like, almost exclusively for over a year––” 

_ “Jackson!”  _

Jackson just bursts into laughter down the line, broadcasting it loud and proud into his ear as Jinyoung flushes dark red in embarrassment. Jinyoung’s no nun, but something about hearing the truth so vulgarly from Jackson’s mouth about the grown-up, handsome, shy man he’s about to go on a date with makes him feel like he’s 16 and losing his virginity again. In other words, he’s scandalized, and Jackson thinks it’s hilarious. 

“Okay! Okay! I’ll stop. But seriously, you like him, right?” 

He thinks for a moment. Is it possible to like someone that you don’t know that well? It’s true that they have chemistry––a lot of it, and it’s good. They’re also physically compatible; Jaebum’s made him come with just fingers and hurried whispered words before, so that’s not lacking. Jinyoung gets along with his kid like he’d raised Yugyeom himself, and the little things he  _ does  _ know about Jaebum he’s basically memorized by heart. 

“I guess,” he says, still a little unsure of how to answer. “Yeah.”

“Good. Then ditch whatever ugly button up you’re wearing and pull on that oversized striped sweater hanging up in the back of your closet. Trust me.” 

“How did you––?” but the line is dead because Jackson hung up. Muttering to himself about how much jail time he’s willing to risk killing his closest friend, he barely slips his phone in his pocket before it’s buzzing again. 

“Jackson,” he says immediately, not bothering to check the caller ID and already unbuttoning the shirt he’d put on. Jackson might be annoying sometimes, but his advice is usually pretty helpful. “I swear, if you say something about this getting me laid on the first date I’m going to murder you––” 

“Jinyoung-ah?”

Jaebum’s deep, smooth voice on the other end cuts him off before he can finish. His eyes open wide, fingers stilling on the last button and his whole body freezing. “Oh, my god–”

Incredibly, Jaebum just starts laughing. And it’s the real laugh, too; the one he’s heard just a couple of times in bed with him and the time he’d seen him interacting with Yugyeom. His fingers hastily undo the last button to slide the shirt off as his heart picks up a fluttering, nervous rhythm. 

“I’m outside, Jinyoung-ah,” he says, and Jinyoung can still hear the faint trace of a laugh in his voice. The fluttering in his chest circles down to his stomach where it settles like a nest of restless butterflies. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes,” he lies quickly, letting the shirt pool at his ankles on the closet floor. “I’ll be right out.” 

Jinyoung doesn’t give Jaebum the opportunity to reply, instead just hanging up and sliding his phone into his front pocket. Quickly he grabs the large sweater Jackson had mentioned, begrudgingly admitting to himself that Jackson does have good taste and a good sense of what looks pleasing on his body. The sweater blindly goes on over his head, barely pulling it down to wear it rests mid-thigh while he shoves his feet into his sneakers at the front door. Jinyoung ritualistically pats his pockets once, twice, three times before grabbing his keys, taking a deep breath, and opening the door. 

He pounds down the stairs, too nervous to take it slow. Jaebum is waiting for him on the curb outside the apartment building, and the first thing Jinyoung sees when he pushes through the glass front doors of the lobby is that he’s dressed in that sexy business casual again. He almost trips down the couple of concrete stairs; he yelps and throws a hand out to the railing to right himself once he hits the pavement. His face flushes deep red, already having embarrassed himself twice before the date even started. 

Jaebum is watching him, a smile across his face that looks unfairly happy and content. It’s not even mocking or amused that he’d made an ass out of himself already, and Jinyoung walks forward to where he’s leaning on the passenger side door of a sleek, black Mercedes and punches him lightly in the arm. 

“Ow,” Jaebum says, exaggerating a wince. “What was that for?”

“You look so happy but I’m so  _ embarrassing.” _

The older man just chuckles, deep and warm. Jinyoung appraises the outfit he’s wearing: slim cut navy slacks that sit perfectly on his wide waist, pressed so well and cut right above the ankles enough to make him want to drool. His toned, slim body is covered with a blue shirt so pale it’s almost white, crisply ironed and pinstriped with matching navy. The buttons are white and shiny, his eyes following the trail of them to wear they disappear tucked into his pants and cinched with an expensive looking leather belt. His face warms as Jaebum chuckles again, hands sliding into his pockets so that Jinyoung notices where the sleeves are rolled up to his forearms. Jinyoung fixates his eyes on the heavy silver watch on his right wrist and tries not to say anything inappropriate. 

“Yah, Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum murmurs playfully, sliding a hand from his pocket to put two fingers under his chin to lift up his face. Their eyes meet and Jaebum smiles. “My eyes are up here.” 

Jinyoung pulls his head back and groans. “I’m sorry.” 

“You seemed serious about getting laid on the first date, but I didn’t think you were  _ that  _ serious––” 

“Jaebum!” he exclaims, scandalized again and blushing madly. Jaebum expertly dodges the childish slap aimed at his chest as he laughs. 

“At least buy me a drink first, you know?” 

Mortified, Jinyoung covers his face with both hands. He silently prays that the earth underneath his feet swallows him up and never, ever spits him back out. “I’ve already embarrassed myself twice and the date hasn’t even started.” 

He feels where Jaebum steps closer to him, his brown leather oxfords clicking quietly on the pavement. Warm fingers curl around his wrists, and Jinyoung swallows back the noise he wants to make as heat rushes down his veins at the contact. Jaebum slowly moves his hands away, grinning like a fool as Jinyoung looks up from under his eyelashes.

“I don’t want to embarrass you a third time, Jinyoung-ah,” he murmurs, and he angles his face a little closer like they’re going to kiss. One of Jaebum’s hands lets go of his wrist, fingers finding the collar of Jinyoung’s sweater and curling in. Jinyoung swallows but doesn’t move. “But your sweater is on inside out and backward.”

There’s the tiny crinkling sound as Jaebum fingers the tag at his throat. Disgusted with himself, Jinyoung makes a despairing noise and backs away a little, furiously escaping Jaebum’s grip as Jaebum laughs. Between the prior embarrassments and Jaebum’s handsome, laughing face under his swept back copper hair, Jinyoung can barely think straight: he grabs the hem of his sweater and yanks it over his head in frustration, suddenly making himself shirtless on the sidewalk. Jaebum stops laughing, and Jinyoung looks up as he quickly pulls the arms of his sweater out the correct way.

“Jinyoungie…” Jaebum murmurs, and his eyes are darkening in a way that Jinyoung is very familiar with. Jinyoung licks his lips, seeing the opportunity to maybe embarrass Jaebum a little bit so they can’t start this date on more even ground. He slows the process of fixing his sweater, stepping closer. Jaebum steps back until his back hits the car, and Jinyoung just slides up until they’re barely inches away.

“What?” 

Jinyoung has to try really hard not to laugh–if he laughs, Jaebum will catch on, and he’ll ruin it. So Jinyoung just pretends to innocently fix his sweater, sliding his arms in the correct way and lifting his arms up over his head. He doesn’t pull it on right away, watching in amusement as Jaebum’s eyes trail down his neck to his chest and then seems to fixate on his navel. He can’t deny that it actually starts to make him a little hot, Jaebum backed into the car and having a staring contest with his navel, cheeks reddening and dangerous eyes darkening as he watches Jinyoung’s stomach flex. Swallowing, he quickly pulls the sweater down over his head and lets it drop the rest of the way to his thighs. 

Jaebum blinks rapidly, as though he’s waking up out of a trance. His eyes meet Jinyoung’s, and he’s a lot smarter than he gave him credit for, because Jaebum’s eyebrows are furrowing. “Yah, were you just––”

Jinyoung grins at him, clasping his hands together and rocking back and forth in faux innocence. “Was I just what, Jaebum-ssi?”

“You little tease––” Jaebum says, baring his teeth playfully, reaching out to swipe at Jinyoung’s sweater. Jaebum grabs a handful of it, pulling Jinyoung to him hard and fast, using the momentum of Jinyoung crashing into his body to spin them so that he can pin Jinyoung against the car. Both hands cage him in against the glass of the window, and he feels the heat of Jaebum’s body where it pins him from chest to knees. 

“Not so funny now, huh?” Jaebum whispers, lips lingering close to his cheek.

“You tell me,” Jinyoung breathes, because  _ this  _ he’s good at; his hands find Jaebum’s hips and slide up, palms cupping the curve of his hips to his waist and caressing it. Any retort Jaebum may have had dies in his throat as Jinyoung’s palms slide up his body over his dress shirt. As though he’s suddenly bound at the ankle with lead weights, Jaebum sighs and steps back out of reach. 

“You’re such a brat.” 

“I know,” Jinyoung says, beaming at him, and his heart and stomach do that funny little fluttering thing when Jaebum’s eyes fold to crescent moons with a smile. “So let’s go, and you can find out how much of a brat I really am.” 

****  
*  
  


Jaebum won’t tell him where they’re going, and he really has no idea until they get closer. Night has fallen now; the sun struggles to light the horizon a navy blue before it’s pulled under and swallowed by the dark. The last of the evening light is already gone by the time they pull into a sprawling asphalt parking lot full of cars. Jinyoung barely even pays attention to where he’s stepping as he tumbles out of the car, eyes wide and fixated on all the brightly blinking lights and the distant, tinny music.

He turns excitedly when he hears Jaebum close the door and the beeping of the locks. “You brought me to the fair?” 

It seems as though he gets more embarrassed by this than the does Jinyoung’s weak attempt at seducing him. Jaebum rubs the back of his neck a little awkwardly and laughs. “Yeah. I know it seems kind of lame, so if you want to go somewhere else––”

Jinyoung can barely breathe around his nervous excitement. He grabs Jaebum’s wrist and tugs him forward, urging him toward the entrance. “We’re going, Jaebum-ssi! Come on!” 

He’s relieved to see the way Jaebum’s expression loses a little of the uncertainty. Jaebum allows himself to be pulled across the parking lot, bathed in an eerie orange glow from the temporary street lamps. Jinyoung is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet when they arrive at the entrance, pulling out his wallet before Jaebum stops him with a gentle hand on his wrist. 

The attendant just watches them in disinterest as Jaebum gently urges Jinyoung’s hand away. “Can I?” 

“Jaebum, you don’t have to pay for all of it––” 

“I know I don’t, but I want to. Is that okay?” His dark eyes are earnest and glittering under the lights from all the rides just on the other side of the entrance. His handsome face is cast in changing colors, blues and reds and greens and Jinyoung feels a contented sigh building when he realizes he’d give Jaebum anything. 

He slides his wallet into his pocket and watches as Jaebum’s shoulders drop in relief. “Go ahead, then.”

Jaebum smiles at him before turning around. Almost unwittingly, Jinyoung steps behind him to wrap his arms around Jaebum’s waist and put his chin on Jaebum’s shoulder. “Get the wristbands, hyung,” he says easily, but doesn’t miss the surprised exhaled breath from Jaebum’s mouth. He points to it on the board behind the attendant’s head. “Then we can do whatever we want and won’t have to come back.” 

He nods, asking the attendant for two wristbands. Jinyoung excitedly puts his on himself as Jaebum pays, the neon green band hideously bright on his wrist but it just makes him giddy. Jaebum steps away from the counter still holding his, and Jinyoung pulls him through the entrance into the park before stopping to grab his wristband from him. Jaebum just patiently holds out his wrist, observing quietly as Jinyoung quickly loops it around the wrist not bearing his watch and sticking the adhesive to it.

“Ta-da!” Jinyoung says, and steps back with a flourish at Jaebum’s wrist. Jaebum turns it around, also like he’s inspecting the offensive green of the paper. But then he looks up and smiles, turning to face the rest of the park. 

“So,” he says, casually, but Jinyoung can hear the nervous tremor that he tries to cover up with a quick clearing of his throat. “What’s first?” 

Jinyoung turns away from admiring his handsome profile back lit by floodlights. The fair is a sprawling assault of light and sound: towering rides like little skyscrapers stretching out down a makeshift main street in front of them, branching off into smaller side streets of fun houses and tents and food stands. The smell of street food mixes with the unending sweetness of roasting sugary treats and Jinyoung’s mouth practically starts to water at the thought of sharing something sweet with Jaebum. Down the very center of the fairgrounds are the game booths, alight with fake gunshots and pinging and the crashing of pins to dirt floors. The barely there ghost of kicked up dust gives all the colored lights little tiny auras as they burn feverishly into the darkness of the night. 

Turning, Jinyoung can’t help the way he grabs Jaebum’s wrist in excitement. “Do you like heights?” 

“I work in a pretty tall building,” he says, and Jinyoung realizes this is the first new fact he’s learned all night. He tries to slow down a little and put it at the top of a new list called  _ New Facts I Learned About DIHF Im Jaebum.  _ “So I think I’ll be alright.”

“So works in a tall building and not afraid of heights. Got it.”

“Huh?” Jaebum looks confused, and it makes Jinyoung’s heart melt. He looks just like Yugyeom.

“I’m keeping track of all the new things I learn about you tonight so that I don’t forget them,” he says, and makes a noise of surprise when Jaebum slides an arm around his waist and pulls him in tight. 

Jaebum looks down at him, though he’s not that much taller. Something about the angle has Jinyoung’s back a little bowed, supported by Jaebum’s forearm, and both his hands just lay nervously on his chest. “I want to kiss you so badly right now. Can you add that to your list?” 

Swallowing, Jinyoung nods and looks down at Jaebum’s neck instead of at his eyes. “I know, I just–”

But he’s not sure what to say. He doesn’t want to make an excuse, because he doesn’t have one: being with Jaebum so far has been the easiest thing he’s ever done in his life. Despite the initial embarrassment he’d made himself suffer, conversation is easy and even the flirting is easy. But the intimacy that Jaebum clearly craves (and Jinyoung, too; he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t) backed by something other than lust still makes a nervousness lurch uncomfortably in his stomach. 

Jaebum doesn’t let him finish. “Tell me two facts about you, then, so I can make my own list.”

Jinyoung’s eyes find Jaebum’s again, surprised in his own way at the softness in Jaebum’s face. His utter willingness to give Jinyoung anything he needs makes his stomach twist even more with a feeling he isn’t sure he recognizes. 

“I have an older sister and I like chameleons,” he says, wanting to give in to the fondness on Jaebum’s face and kiss him until it hurts. 

But Jaebum just lets him go, his back much colder without the warmth of Jaebum’s arm surrounding it. He smiles and taps the small of his back gently. “Lead the way.”

Grinning, Jinyoung takes his hand and pulls him forward, laughing a little when Jaebum stumbles forward but just allows himself to be dragged along. He makes Jaebum go on all the tall rides with him, the ones that strap you in and swing up and turn upside down, Jinyoung whooping at the top of his lungs in utter delight. Jaebum seems unsure at first; he doesn’t say much, quietly sitting next to a hollering and laughing Jinyoung on the fast rides, as though he’s too shy to enjoy himself. On a particularly fast ride, Jinyoung releases his grip on the handlebar over his chest to grab Jaebum’s hand, turning his head as far as the ride will let him, the wind stinging his eyes until they water. 

“Hyung!” He yells, not even aware of the fact that he’s called him so twice now without actually asking. “Hyung! Are you having fun!” 

Finally, like a rain cloud heavy on a dreary day, his laughter bursts and saturates the air. Jinyoung’s almost in awe of how loud he is: his laughter and the cartoonish sound he makes seems to echo between them, ringing in his ears long after the ride deposits them back safely on the ground.

“Tell me something else,” Jinyoung says, motioning for Jaebum to follow him towards a snack stand in between two funhouses. He orders cotton candy and a sugary dough treat like a doughnut for Jaebum, paying quickly before Jaebum has the chance to. Jinyoung motions to a table and sits, watching Jaebum figure out how to eat it without getting powdered sugar all over his nice shirt.

“What do you want to know?” 

“Everything,” Jinyoung says before he can stop himself, and he feels heat in his face as a hot blush spreads across his cheeks when Jaebum looks up. “Whatever you want to tell me.” 

He hums underneath his breath, fingers dusted with white sugar as he holds up the doughnut and inspects it. Jinyoung laughs at the little shrug of his shoulders before Jaebum shoves half of it in his mouth right away, his cheeks puffing out wide like a chipmunk's as he bites down and chews. Jinyoung’s mouth drops open in awe, half of the doughnut gone already and Jaebum chewing absentmindedly like he’s not about to choke on it. Jinyoung is still staring at him when he swallows a minute later and licks his lips. 

“Well, I was married once.” 

“Oh?” Jinyoung says, and it’s enough to distract him from the way Jaebum watches him across the table as he sucks powdered sugar from his fingers.

Jaebum wipes his hand on a napkin and sighs. “Is that too much? Should we not talk about this on a first date?”

"To be fair, you've told me to my face how badly you want to come inside me before, so I think there's not much off limits here."

Jinyoung has to bite down on a laugh at the way Jaebum blanches when he says it. He drops the other half of the doughnut he'd been holding and is dismayed when powdered sugar puffs up and almost gets on his shirt. There's a distinct red flush to his face as he avoids Jinyoung's eyes. "Jeez. Warn me next time you're about to say something filthy, huh?" 

He laughs. "But then it's not as fun." Jinyoung just grins as Jaebum rolls his eyes playfully and shoves the rest of the doughnut in his mouth. Leaning his elbows on the table, Jinyoung licks at his cotton candy before saying, " ‘First’, huh? What makes you so sure you’ll get a second?” 

Jaebum smiles at him, but Jinyoung can tell that it’s a little half-hearted. His stomach drops when he realizes that Jaebum is being serious when he says, “I’m not sure.” 

“Not sure about what?” 

“That I’ll get a second date.” 

Jinyoung swallows. “Do you  _ want  _ a second date?” 

The music from the booths and rides blares on around them even as the space across the table goes quiet for a moment. “Yes,” Jaebum finally says, voice serious, and Jinyoung can’t help the relieved slump of his shoulders. “I want a lot of dates.” 

His heartbeat kicks up and he feels like he’s going to break out into a sweat, so he puts his cotton candy down on the table. “What makes you think you won’t get them?” 

“I have...a lot of baggage, Jinyoung-ah.”

“What kind of baggage?” 

“Ex-wife baggage. Yugyeom’s mother baggage.”

In an attempt to seem nonchalant, he picks his cotton candy back up and starts eating it again. He looks down at it for a moment, as though he’s calculating a response, but really he’s just trying to wrap his head around why Jaebum would ever think that’d be enough to keep Jinyoung from wanting him. As though Jinyoung isn’t a prostitute he’d been seeing that showed up without telling him to babysit his kid. As if Jinyoung didn’t have his own personal drama that would keep Jaebum from wanting  _ him.  _

But it's obvious Jaebum wants to get this off his chest early, so Jinyoung just goes with it. “What about her?” 

Jaebum looks down at his plate, drawing patterns in the fallen sugar with his finger. “Did Yugyeom tell you anything about her while you were babysitting him?”

“Not really,” he says, licking sugar off his lips. “He mentioned her, but didn’t go into detail about her.”

Still looking down, Jaebum nods. “That makes sense. He doesn’t know her, so he doesn’t know much about her. What did he say?” 

_ Time to fess up.  _ He sighs, remembering when he’d almost told Jaebum that night about Yugyeom expressing his desire for the two of them to get married so that Jaebum wouldn’t be sad. “Do you remember when I said he’s intuitive?”

Jaebum nods without looking up. 

Jinyoung watches his finger make trails in the sugar as he talks. “That night, when we were just talking, he got really serious all of a sudden. When I asked him what’s wrong, he asked me if I would marry you.”

Jaebum’s hand stills and his head whips up in alarm. “What?” 

Reaching across the small metal table, Jinyoung puts a hand on Jaebum’s wrist. “Relax,” he says gently, and quickly pulls his hand back with a nervous blush. “He said, ‘you should marry my dad’. And when I asked why, he said that he thinks you’re sad. That because his mother didn’t want him and didn’t stick around, that you don’t have anyone to love you except for him.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jaebum mutters, his entire face turning a shade of red Jinyoung’s never seen and drawing patterns in the sugar on his plate more aggressively. "I'm sorry. He's too smart for his own good sometimes."

“It's okay, I didn't mind it." Jinyoung ignores the surprised glance Jaebum throws at him before his dark eyes return to the plate. "But when he mentioned his mother, all he had to say about her was that ‘she didn’t want me, so she left’. That broke my heart.”

“It breaks mine, too,” Jaebum says quietly, and Jinyoung is surprised. But he just stays quiet and lets Jaebum talk.

“I met her when we were in high school. Freshman year, actually. It was… I don’t know. I don’t know what to call it. I’ve never been straight. I’d always been into guys a little more than I was girls, but… you know how it is.” his eyes flick up to Jinyoung’s for just a moment before returning to his hands. “But when I met her, I don’t know. Something changed. I still was attracted to guys, sure, but I fell in love with her. Hard. We were together all through high school and all through college. We graduated the same year, and moved in together right after. It was great for ten years–from high school to when she got pregnant, I mean. But after she got pregnant…” he hesitates, choking a little on the words and he has to clear his throat before he continues.

“I’ve never seen a person do a 180 so fast. I chalked it up to the pregnancy, you know? That shit is so hard. It’s so, so hard. And it was hard on her especially because she wasn’t allowed to work. Her mother wouldn’t let her. And to be honest, I think she started to hate me halfway through. Because I wanted a kid so badly and she didn’t, and she thinks that I never asked her. That I got her pregnant without asking her.

“But it wasn’t like that. We had talked about kids before, about what we would name them and if we wanted boys or girls. You know, shit regular married couples talk about. She was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. But after the first month, when she realized she was going to have to give up the lifestyle that we had for a kid… she resented us. Me, I guess, but the baby too.”

With every word, Jinyoung’s heart sinks lower and lower until it’s sitting like a rock in his stomach. “Jaebum–”

He just continues, eyes trained on the plate and as though he hadn’t heard Jinyoung speak. “When Yugyeom was born, I couldn’t even think straight. I was so happy. As soon as I saw him, god, I felt like an entirely new person. All the fighting and the hatefulness from her pregnancy just melted away when I got to hold him for the first time. And I knew that I would do whatever I could to make that kid so happy, you know? Even if that meant dragging her through the court and getting full custody of him, I wouldn’t let anything bad ever happen to him.

“Turns out I’d never even have to do it. When she woke up the next day after having him, I was asleep in the chair next to her bed. I felt her hand on my wrist and I woke up, and when I looked at her, I just knew. She looked at me and she said, ‘I don’t want him, Jaebum,’ and that was it. She tried to convince me to put him up for adoption, but the next day I came back with divorce papers and I told her to sign them, and to give him to me. She signed with no question.” 

Angry and heartbroken tears sting his eyes. Jaebum just looks stoic, but the knot of muscle in his jaw where he’s clenching it gives him away. Jinyoung reaches across the table again, grabbing his hand this time and not letting go. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Jaebum doesn’t say anything at first, just looks down at where Jinyoung’s squeezing his fingers. But then Jaebum turns his wrist, palm up, and slides his fingers across Jinyoung’s so that he can lace them together. He still hasn’t looked at him, but Jinyoung’s heart starts to thump as their fingers intertwine.

“The only time she ever asked to see him was when he turned five last year. After we finalized the divorce and I made her move all of her stuff from the house, I never talked to her again. I bumped into her sister about a year after Yugyeom was born, and her sister told me she’d become an alcoholic. I was sad. This woman that I’d loved for the better years of my youth had turned into someone I didn’t recognize, but I couldn’t say no to her when she asked to see him, just once, four years later. But all she did was tell Yugyeom how she gave him up because she didn’t want him. She was drunk, of course, when she met him. Told him how he ruined her life, and that all the things she wanted she never got because ‘your fuck-up of a father got me pregnant’. Of course he didn’t understand all of that at the time. All he retained from that meeting was that he’d been given up by her because she didn’t want him.” 

Jinyoung tries to hold it in, but he can’t. He sniffles quietly, a couple of tears escaping down his cheeks even as he tries to blink them back. Jaebum’s head snaps up, cat-like eyes as wide as he’s ever seen them. In a heartbeat he’s out of his chair, pushing the table a little bit and dropping to one knee in front of Jinyoung’s chair between his legs. 

“Are you crying? Hey, I’m sorry,” he mutters, reaching up to cup Jinyoung’s face in one hand and rub at the tears with his thumb. “Jinyoung-ah, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m so sorry–”

“It’s not your fault, hyung,” Jinyoung says, wiping at his other eye with the sleeve of his sweater. He laughs a little awkwardly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so emotional. But that story is so  _ sad.”  _

Incredibly, Jaebum actually laughs a little. And it’s genuine, too–he still seems a little moody around the edges, thumb dragging slowly across Jinyoung’s cheekbone, but the embarrassed flush of his cheeks and the laugh is heart-warmingly real. “Guess I’m really not getting that second date, huh?” 

Jinyoung makes a face of mock disappointment but leans into Jaebum’s touch, much as he had that night they’d almost kissed. Jaebum’s thumb brushes the corner of his mouth and he tries not to react. “I don’t think so, sad boy. Not at this rate.”

Jaebum chortles. “I didn’t think so.”

“Hyung…” Jinyoung says, voice cautious, suddenly serious. Jaebum’s thumb stills where it had been making its way along his cheek again. “Do you...do you still love her?”

This time, Jaebum lets his thumb move closer, until he’s dragging it along Jinyoung’s plump lower lip and pressing it to the corner of his mouth again. His stomach throbs. “No.”

His eyes are steady where they hold Jinyoung’s. He says it so quickly, with so much conviction, that Jinyoung would be a fool not to believe him. Something breaks over him like a wave, and he smiles. “Good.”

“Does this mean I still get my second date?” 

“Mmm…” Jinyoung pretends to think, standing up out of his chair and pulling Jaebum to his feet. He turns to grab their sweets off the table, handing Jaebum his empty plate before they drop their trash in the bin. Jinyoung drags him to the entrance of a fun house before he turns, looking over his shoulder coyly before he answers. 

“If you can make it out of this funhouse before I catch you,” he says, a challenge in his eyes, “then you can have as many dates as you want.”

He’s not expecting the way Jaebum grabs the back of his sweater and yanks him back so that Jaebum can run past him to the entrance. Laughing, Jinyoung follows after him, his heart feeling lighter even after the heaviness of Jaebum’s confession. He chases Jaebum through the first room, big punching-bag like things hanging from the ceiling so close together it’s hard to move. Jinyoung follows the sound of Jaebum’s laughter, boyish and easy now. Something tells Jinyoung that the reason he’d been so afraid of Jaebum was because he was  _ too  _ perfect; he’d had only the smallest of glimpses into what seemed like a perfect life. And now, knowing that Jaebum’s life was less than perfect, messy and complicated like anyone else’s, gave him a new sense of Jaebum as a person instead of Jaebum as a client. His heart races as he glimpses the back of Jaebum’s shirt nearing the entrance of the next room. 

They’re plunged into darkness in the next room, only guided by the thousands of green, blue, and purple pinpricks of light that bounce off of all the mirrors.

“Oh, no,” Jinyoung yells over the music. “Is this a mirror maze?” 

“I think so,” he hears Jaebum yell back, and he’s close. Jinyoung takes off in the direction of his voice, trying not to get confused by the hundreds of other Jinyoungs that race at him from all sides. The oscillating spots of light don’t help either: he feels like he’s running through the galaxy, the floor as black as the walls and ceiling and reflecting the tiny stars of color into thousands upon millions of copies. He hears Jaebum laughing, closer now, and Jinyoung laughs back. 

“Hyung, if you keep laughing like this, I’m going to catch up to you.” 

“So what happens if I catch up to  _ you?”  _

Jinyoung jumps when he hears Jaebum right behind him over his shoulder. He spins in surprise but Jaebum is ready; he catches Jinyoung’s wrist and pushes him back a little until he hits the mirror. Jaebum closes the gap quickly, pinning him to one of the hundreds of mirrors that reflect them on all sides with one hand on his wrist and the other planted next to his head. The starry quality of the lights in the darkness of the room make Jaebum look ethereal: his beautiful dark eyes glitter and shine and even though he can barely see the pupils of them, he knows they’re trained on him and looking directly into his heart. His thick bottom lip disappears between his perfect teeth, and Jinyoung swallows a groan.

Jaebum’s body pushes closer to his, a repeat of when Jaebum had him up against the car earlier. Their stomachs brush with every breath, shortening with every passing moment, eyes locked and space between them turning electric. Jaebum swallows hard, the action making the little silver crosses in his ears sway and brush against the corner of his jaw. 

“Jinyoung-ah,” he says, and his voice sounds much different, huskier. “Do still like me? Do you still want to see me?”

“Why would you ask me that?” 

“Because of what I said,” he murmurs, leaning closer, voice audible even over the music blaring. “About Yugyeom’s mother.” 

“Oh, hyung,” he says, tipping his head to the side and shaking his wrist from Jaebum’s grip. He slides his arms around Jaebum’s neck to hold him in place. “I still like you, Jaebum.”

And it’s true. It had been hard at first to admit that he likes Jaebum, barely knowing anything about him. But something over the course of their date has changed them, Jaebum’s confession shining a light into the dark corner of his heart that Jinyoung had wanted to be there to make him real. How easily he’d always given in to Jaebum, changed his rules for Jaebum, been so inexplicably drawn to him like he’s never been to anyone else. At first he’d been so scared, so convinced that Jaebum couldn’t be real, couldn’t be any more than a fuck on the weekends that sometimes showed him pictures of his cat. He never thought that Jaebum could be an amazing father, with so much love to give for the sweetest little boy he’s ever met. He never thought Jaebum could be exactly what he’s been missing out on for so long.

Jinyoung arches his back a little, their bodies flush together now, chest to stomach to hip to thigh. Jaebum makes a noise under his breath, hand on Jinyoung’s hip sliding to his lower back to hold him against his body. Jinyoung’s arms tighten around Jaebum’s neck, bringing his face a little closer, their hips brushing together and Jinyoung has to swallow down the noise that he wants to make at the heat that curls up in his stomach. Jaebum licks his lips, eyes trailing down his face to stare at Jinyoung’s mouth, dark eyes swallowing up the pinpricks of colored light as his pupils expand.

“Jinyoungie,” he breathes, hand tightening in the small of his back, his breath ghosting across Jinyoung’s mouth where it trembles with desire. 

“Yes?” he says, one hand sneaking to the back of Jaebum’s head and playing with the soft, copper colored hair washed to a steel gray by the absence of light in the room. Jaebum groans under his breath, fingertips digging into Jinyoung’s back, and his hand slides up the mirror as he drops to his forearm to pin Jinyoung to it with his body. 

“Jinyoungie, can I–" his eyes close like he's in pain, "God, I shouldn’t be asking again, I know, but I want to–I just want to taste the sugar in your mouth, just once–”

There’s no hesitation this time. He can’t resist anymore. “Then taste it, hyung. Kiss me.”

A broken noise rips from Jaebum’s throat that dies out quickly as he leans down. The first is just a brush of their lips; softly, a perfect dry slide that still makes Jinyoung’s heart stutter and kick up until it’s slamming against his ribs. Then Jaebum is kissing him again, a little harder, hand off the mirror and both on his hips to hold him still. Jinyoung’s lips part easily underneath Jaebum’s tongue; Jinyoung breathes in the pleased sound from Jaebum’s mouth as he licks behind his teeth. The taste of powdered sugar explodes in Jinyoung’s mouth from Jaebum’s tongue, sharp and sweet as their kiss deepens. Jaebum’s hands slide up to his ribs, pulling him closer, moaning quietly as Jinyoung bites his bottom lip playfully and then licks it. Jaebum’s mouth tastes so sweet, heat and happiness clawing up his legs as Jaebum gently pushes him back against the mirror to kiss him deep. They make out like teenagers, hands on waists until they get brave and explore each other. Jinyoung, no stranger to groping, can’t help the moan that escapes when Jaebum grabs his ass with both hands. He just yanks Jaebum’s hair tighter from the back, leaving Jaebum to pant and chase after his mouth when Jinyoung turns his face away. He lets Jaebum kiss down his neck, sucking and biting a mark into the base as Jaebum teasingly slides a hand up between his legs. 

“Hyung,” he gasps, clutching Jaebum’s shoulders as he slides the hand out from between his thighs around to his hip. “We’re going to get caught.”

“Good,” he breathes against Jinyoung’s neck, but he feels the frenetic energy drain out of him a little bit. Jinyoung can still feel how he’s half hard against his hip, but he just smiles as Jaebum leans up and uses gentle fingers to brush the hair from his forehead.

The sound of children screaming in the room before them makes them both snap out of the dream-like trance they’d been in from kissing for the first time. They both try to hold a straight face for a moment before they both burst into laughter, Jaebum sliding his arm around Jinyoung’s waist to pull him tight against his body. 

“So,” he says, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth that, despite being so fast and chaste, makes Jinyoung feel like begging for more. “Even though  _ I  _ caught  _ you,  _ can I still have my second date?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung says, gripping the back of Jaebum’s neck with one hand. “You can have all the dates you want.”  
**  
He doesn’t miss Jaebum’s bright smile as he pulls him down for another kiss, lingering tongues licking up every last bit of the sweetest sugar from each other’s mouths. **

 

 

** ♡ **


End file.
